Dear Quentin
I’ll keep this short, as I don’t take any pleasure in reliving it. Two months ago, I corresponded for two months with a man on a dating website that will remain anonymous (except to say it begins with T and ends with R). He was a strong, decisive person, which I enjoyed. He flew to Austin, Texas for the weekend to meet with me. He lives in Tucson, Arizona.
He is financially stable, has two homes and is divorcing with one of his adult children. I am also divorcing, but have no children. We’re both in our late 50s. He was very charming and asked me questions. He also remembered things that I had shared with him FaceTimed back in our early friendship. I believed he was the man of mine dreams.
“‘Do some people just expect perfect service?’”
Although everything looked good on paper there were three issues. The waitress was treated as if it were nothing. He never looked at her once, smiled or made eye contact, and he spoke to her like a character would treat a servant on “Downton Abbey.” In fact, he treated her worse than they treat their servants on “Downton Abbey.” 2. We went Dutch. 3. He left 10% after our $170 meal.
It left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. While he has been polite to me, I was unable to help but smile at her and say thank you each time she filled up our water glasses. Do I react too much? Are some people just expecting perfect service? Are they entitled to it at a restaurant that charges so much for a meal?
Still Single
Dear Single
He doesn’t have to impress the waitress. He doesn’t want to impress the waitress, so use it as an insight into his character. He will treat you as if he is talking to a waitress. He will react in the same way if he is annoyed by her slow service.
He needs something from you. He wants friendship, companionship and maybe sex. You must like him. It’s easy to be a nice guy when you’re FaceTiming
AAPL,
Or, having dinner with friends and enjoying a glass or two of wine. Being a gentleman is a great thing for him. He might even consider himself Prince Charming. He would probably disagree with this assessment.
Online dating can be transactional. Online dating is transactional. People will swipe right on dating websites based on socioeconomic factors, as well as physical attractiveness. They pay attention to clothing, vacations and living arrangements, as well as educational attainment, and yes, where someone lives. That’s why that information is made so readily available. As you say, he was “good on paper.”
“The waitress is his only friend.”
People will often say in surveys that they prefer to be with someone who is financially stable and doesn’t have too much debt. They want to be financially responsible partners, particularly if they have worked hard for their finances. He paid money to see you. You split the bill and he gave 10%.
Due to inflation, nervousness over a coming recession and end to the pandemic-era excess tipping for services, 20% more people are reluctant to tip 20%. Tipping fatigue is also a common problem. People are tired of being compelled to tip digitally everywhere they go. He can tip 20% if he is able to afford to eat at a fine restaurant.
Silicon Valley has commodified the personal lives of many: We now pay for services through sites like Tinder and OKCupid. Bumble.com.
MTCH,
and we scroll through people’s profiles as if we were looking for shoes or real estate. It is clear that you are similar in socioeconomic status because you can both afford to eat at the restaurant. But as you discovered, that’s a low bar for compatibility.
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